420 ftw
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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