These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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