please come you make the beer taste better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
