it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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