take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
