I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
