remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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