I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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