it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
