Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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