No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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