the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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