I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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