it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
