If that was your dad, he is hot
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
