these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
