Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
