last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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