How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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