party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
