dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
