I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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