Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
