I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
