I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
