I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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