she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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