What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
