I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
