I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
