Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
