just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
