Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
