I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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