I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
