My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
