I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
