The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
