What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's always time for handjobs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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