There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
