You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
