Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
