No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
