we're blogging at a bar
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
