I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
