Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
