theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i drank out of a bidet.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you never un-have a 4some
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
