No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
