you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
