Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
