i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
