By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
